Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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