he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
