did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
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she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
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it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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