he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
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He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
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Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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