Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
