better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
