Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
