Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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