Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
