im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
