Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
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Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
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I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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