I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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