How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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