The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
