I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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