I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
about cumming, not toast
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF