I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
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