google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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