at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize