My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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