i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
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I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
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If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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