I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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