i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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