I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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