I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be still, my beating vagina.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize