someone get that fucking seahorse.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
