sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
