My room smells like vodka and shame
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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