I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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