you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
its liver damage thursday
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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