i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
