barbara walters just said penis...
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
