He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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