seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
