Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.