I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
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just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
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at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.