It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
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Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
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Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...