p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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