I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
