I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
