Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
