friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
So. Much. Porn.
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