As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
