Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
sarcasm needs its own font
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
