Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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