I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
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I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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