i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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