We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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