I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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