I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
