We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
