You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
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