I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Less talking, more tequila
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
