Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
